Day 6: ‘Chequer!’

Let’s write this now, although it’s only morning but I have a lot going through my mind while having breakfast.

I’ve been feeling lost for quite a time. Even I feel sneaky if I need to talk out my plan/goals in future with my friends(especially <>). It’s been a hard time for me tbh. Then out of sudden (thanks for myself for taking the time to contemplate) this morning I suddenly ‘remembered’ what I want to do in a big picture. The vision that I always subconsciously popping out in my head, but since it’s blurry sometimes I feels like everything is out of place. And I blame myself for not doing anything that is ‘tangible’.

But instead, I realized that my dream is too big to talk about, because everyone probably will be intimidated.

This is what comes to mind:

“Have you ever been read/watch/saw some book or movie, that change your entire life? And that s had become your supports system, that rooted in you like a back bone.

Or had you come across some inspiration from any work, that makes you believe in an idea that is too empowering in this world but yet to exist, but because you saw that possibilities, but changed how you think?”

That is what I want to do, overall. My dream in a package.

I know it is still too ambiguous to understand… Think of it, how the movie ‘Avatar’ had made so much impact to those that watch it, Titanic too from the same director. Think of how JK Rowling made you believe in magic and courages.

As I looked at the overall, all those puzzle seems to make sense. Because in my own social circle, there is no one have the same dream, that makes an illusion of what I want to do is just out of reach, or feels like I am beating around the bushes.

What I need the most at this moment isn’t job experience, it isn’t to just jump into having a big tangible achievement, such as workshops, Yes they are what appeared along my journey, but the purpose isn’t to get money, it isn’t just for the sake of accomplishment nor to build my status. What I am doing is to slowly build up the the fortress of awareness, I am playing the chess, it will not look whole before everything falls in place. But when everything is done, it will turns out to be a full solid system.

Coaching is one thing, to let me study more about humanity and personal development. How the mind works and how is it we could effectively made . How a person perceive themselves in this everchanging world.

While for storytelling, it’s the by-product of psychology and drama. Since I have an innate talent since my middle school about plotting an impactful stories. I know about emotions (well, currently seems it having some blockage, but I am working on it. I know when the road-block is cleared, it will be turning out into something even more impactful than before).

Together with my design skills, I need to figure out how I could optimize my architectural skills in the psychology of space perceiving. Since this is still a relatively new field, but as a renaissance soul, someone that is paradoxically divergent in multiple skills, I see there is a bridge between all of these. Let me be the first one, if not anyone that done it before.

Three of these, will be portrayed out like a play, but now this is a stage of your life. Showing you if you could see amazement and hope in the movie, so as your life.

I have so much work to done. Therefore I can’t afford to waste my time on being employed, which is following the traditional path. I had my plan B. What I need is not learning how to handle hectic project while being told what to design, what to model next etc. What I need to most is a practice to be in touch with my story telling, literature psychology, humanity, and eventually how I all of these into a package.

It will be look like this:

Firstly they could only see one part of my plan. Then another person see another part. All of these doesn’t make sense. This is just the beginning, the first 5-10 years. And then out of sudden, what I do, which is everything that I do, everything that about ‘Alyssa’ is a full set of concept for the world. A new belief to the world.

Therefore I don’t fit myself into category. Even, I don’t extrapolate myself into different category/niche.

Self-development is not a my legacy, nor coaching does, architecture is not a my legacy, even story telling/fiction is not a the legacy for me.

But Alyssa is the LEGACY.


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