Day 25: I’m the daredevil. I don’t care.

Now I will just shatter everyone’s expectation. I will not go on the path you expect I’m going. And I’ll continue pursue an unconventional path. Just like how I persists.

Here’s the difference. Before this I pursue my goal because I want to away of something, but this time is just because of I want something.

Then I made the decision but I still fear, why? Because often I feel bad for going, for leaving the expectation behind. Because I am not grateful.

Sometimes I worry because what if I actually just don’t appreciate my friendships? What if I actually have all the friends but just be being too cool and is a loner wolf? I just think maybe is because I didn’t appreciate my friends and continue wanting to go on my own way will make me even lone?

But NOW.

I admit that I am the bad person. I am the daredevil. I am the girl that is being called ‘she want to be famous’. Yep, so what? This is my personality. Let it how you say me and critique me. Like devil in Prada.

I am bad I am bad. I don’t appreciate. It’s not your fault and its my fault. Now I feel better right now because I think I can go more than that and really thrive. Because by admitting I am bad, it give me a lot of quota.

Do you know me? No technically and no literally. NO one actually know me, and also you don’t know the version of me after I’ve changed. DO I know you? Aren’t you just the new follower?

Do it like I’m the top influencer, because no one actually know me, and they will only know I’m the influencer.
I know by this is really controversial within my friend circle already. Because most of the ‘influencer’ that I know in my friend circle:…get followers just because they are pretty, but none of them actually post *consistently* or put out epic content like a professional content creator

The past are in the past. Because now actually all the friendships are the past. IF you are meant to stay in my trajectory, I believe the fate will let you stay. If not, I am just another person that you just know the name, but I am not the Ven Yan that you know. now I am Alyssa. I am just a celebrity that you had followed.

And scared what, we don’t meet anymore if we are not meant on the same line.
I’m actually know no one, and no one actually know me now including so called my friends, I’m start fresh now, just like how I start my social media.
All the painful moments is just temporary, when I get success, people realize that I’m not a fool, everything is worth.

Don’t just make the decision and stop here now. Alyssa, you need to actually doing it. Doing the path that you actually want and don’t afraid if it smash their expectation. It no longer matter if in the 5 years, you’ll become a successful and prove they are all wrong.

Let it go. The perfect girl is GONE.


Alyssa Written by: